Crafting a Meaningful Eulogy - 5 Essential tips for aspiring Funeral Celebrants

Sep 12
Losing a loved one is never easy, and whilst some family members may feel able to write and deliver a eulogy, it is very common that as the Professional Celebrant you're asked to do this important and daunting task.

When done badly, your new Funeral Celebrant business will whither on the vine.

But when done well, being able to write an effective & meaningful eulogy for a client will help your Funeral Celebrant business grow & grow. 

Here are five vital considerations to help you write a eulogy that will provide comfort and solace to grieving families, even when you're honouring a stranger.
1. Embrace Empathy as Your Guiding Light - It's not about what you know;  it's about what they  feel.

When crafting a eulogy for a client, empathy is your most powerful tool. Dive deep into the stories and memories that a grieving family share with you. Listen carefully to their emotions and let their words guide you. Sometimes things aren't said and so you may have gaps. Never fill in these gaps yourself and assume what someone else is feeling, this can be a big mistake as we all naturally have unconscious bias. Instead ask the right questions and summarise back what you think you have heard and understood. Your role when meeting the bereaved family is to capture the essence of the departed's life through the eyes of those who loved them.

2. Research with Respect - The art of learning about a life lived.
Be structured and efficient when researching the person you're eulogizing and gathering information from family members, friends, and any available sources. Approach this task with utmost respect, treating their life story as a precious gift. Seek anecdotes, achievements, and passions that define their journey in chronological order. This research will provide a solid foundation for your eulogy. Use a checklist to gather all the key details from a person’s life but be aware that some parts of the deceased’s life may need careful retelling if it evokes painful memories for the family or even skipping over these areas if requested.

3. Weave a Universal Tale - Celebrating shared human experiences.
While you may not have known the person personally, you can still connect their life to universal themes and experiences. Highlight qualities and stories that resonate with everyone, such as childhood experiences, happy holidays, parent & grandparenthood, love, kindness, resilience, and their sense of humour. This allows the audience to find common ground and feel the significance of the individual's life. If appropriate, give the mourners in a funeral an opportunity to smile and laugh at funny stories and memories. 

4. Involve others - A eulogy is a collective tribute
Engage as much as you can with all the bereaved community during your eulogy-writing process. If you have a number of people, including different generations in the next-of-kin meeting, encourage everyone to share their own personal memories and thoughts so you can incorporate their perspectives into the eulogy. If there are key people not present, offer to phone them to get their input. Quoting others directly in the eulogy underlines that this is a collaborative effort and not only enriches the eulogy but also provides healing and comfort to those in mourning.

Always share a draft eulogy with the family before you deliver it. Give them permission to correct any errors and to ensure that it lands with them in the way that you want it to. Do not be precious about any changes to your writing because it is their eulogy and not your eulogy. 

5. Focus on the Legacy - Leaving a lasting impact.
A eulogy is not just about the past; it's about the lasting impact a person had on the world and the memories that will stay with others forever. Emphasize the positive influence the departed had on others and how their legacy will continue to inspire and influence lives. Share how memories of their values, teachings, or contributions will live on, creating a sense of hope and continuity.

Why effective celebrant training & development is essential

Crafting a eulogy for a client so that it is accurate in detail, tone and sentiment  is a challenging task, and not all celebrants get it right.

Have you ever been to a funeral and listened to a eulogy delivered by a celebrant and not recognise the person being talked about?

Sadly this happens too frequently and it is why many Funeral Directors are looking for new trained celebrants with a better level of training and development. Most Funeral Directors will phone families the day after the funeral service for feedback on the celebrant. If the eulogy was not accurate or did not land well with the next-of-kin, the celebrant may never being booked by that Funeral Director again.

Why does this happen frequently?  Sadly, many long-established celebrant training courses do not cover this aspect of being a Professional Celebrant in significant depth. Also because many celebrant training courses take the one-size-fits-all "sheep-dip" approach to learning,  many trainees do not  get any meaningful or honest 1-to-1 constructive development. Trainees may be told what skills and techniques are required, but don't get the chance to practice and improve their skills before they are "unleashed". Many courses never mention the importance of maintaining a neutral stance and avoiding unconscious bias.

Here are some of the worst examples of the poor training available from many long-established celebrant training organisations: 

1) Trainees are simply required to write 2 eulogies. But there is no checking or development on how accurate or fitting these eulogies are. They could be pure fiction from the internet. This example is all that is required  to get a so-called "nationally accredited qualification". It is why many Funeral Directors do not value this qualification any more. 

2) Trainees write their own eulogy. Fine if you only ever want to write your own funeral but pointless if you need to learn how to write a eulogy for person who has died that you don't know for a client.

3) Trainees write a eulogy for another trainee. This may involve interviewing another person, but you are very unlikely to get honest, constructive and qualified feedback and development from another wannabe celebrant. It is everything you always hated about doing "group-work" at school...good constructive feedback depends on the luck of your partner, not the insight of an experienced professional. 

Celebrant Training School teaches, develops and assesses the ability to  an write an effective eulogy very differently. Find out more at one of our "Celebrant Success Maker" online events.

When done skilfully, writing a eulogy is an opportunity to create a lasting tribute that brings solace and healing to grieving hearts. Remember, as a Funeral Celebrant, your words have the power to provide comfort, closure, and a profound sense of love and respect for the departed, even when you didn't know them personally. When done well, your funeral celebrant business will grow and grow.

So, embrace the journey, connect with the community, and let empathy guide your pen as you weave a heartfelt eulogy for those who need it most.

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